Overcoming mental hurdles as I transition to using a walker

I’ve had a walker with wheels for a decade. I got it after back surgery in 2014 and used it for a month or so. As a blind person with facioscapulohumeral muscular dystrophy (FSHD), I found it much more difficult to maintain my orientation without direct touch. I was also running the walker into walls, woodwork, and furniture, so the mobility aid went into our attic ASAP, where it collected dust for 10 years.

When my wife, Wendy, and I moved to Pittsburgh in January 2023, the walker moved with us. I was still navigating around the house without it, but we thought I might need it as I learned to get around our new home, which was unfamiliar territory for me.

I learned to navigate the new space pretty quickly. I did have a couple falls, which happened during the move-in process as boxes got moved around and I bumped into or tripped over them.

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A turning point

We got things put into place and I had no more falls for over a year, until this past April. That one was different from the previous mishaps. I didn’t bump into or trip over anything; I simply tried to turn a corner and my left leg collapsed under me. The only injury was my wounded pride, but it still mandated a trip to the doctor’s office.

My doctor recommended both physical and occupational therapy. The physical therapist I worked with got me back to daily exercises to try to slow the progression of my FSHD. Both therapists helped me learn to navigate the house using my walker. That actually went pretty well.

After more than a year and a half in this house, I’ve learned the environment well enough to stay oriented without directly touching things. It was obvious to my therapists that I was much steadier on my feet when I was using the walker.

I, too, realized that I was safer, but I regretfully continued to navigate the house without the walker most of the time. I just didn’t want to accept that I needed it.

My balance issues continued to worsen, especially when I was carrying anything. The bottom line was that I was really at risk of a fall when I was trying to carry something with one hand while using the other hand to stay oriented and hold on to something. To address this issue, my occupational therapist provided a basket and cup holder for the walker, freeing up my hands. With these new bells and whistles, I could take my coffee cup and other paraphernalia with me and move around the house safely.

Therapy ended. I was grateful for the help I’d received, but I continued to move around the house without the walker most of the time. I told myself that I didn’t want to scratch up the walls and furniture. This rationalization lasted until I had several near falls within a couple days.

I’m a fairly intelligent guy, but I realized I was being stupid. I had to acknowledge the truth: I needed to use the walker to be safe.

Prioritizing my safety

I was still concerned about dinging up the walls, woodwork, and furniture, but I recognized that I needed to make the transition to using the walker full time. I contacted my doctor, who authorized a few more sessions with an occupational therapist. The therapist came to my home three times, where we practiced using it. She brought a pool noodle to my final session and used it to pad the walker so I could move around without doing too much damage to the house.

Now that I’m using the mobility aid, there’s also less chance of me falling and doing damage to myself. I’ve finally gotten past the mental hurdle that I was letting get in the way of my safety.

Sometimes I think the mental struggles of FSHD are more difficult than the physical ones. I faced the same mental hurdle when I had to start using a wheelchair when leaving the house. Eventually, I had to get over the thought that using a wheelchair made me look weak or made me less of a person. In that case, it came down to using the aid or staying home. I didn’t want to shrink my world, so I started rolling in a chair.

It’s been the same process transitioning to using a walker. I resisted the change for quite a while, but eventually I accepted that using the aid beats the heck out of shrinking my world to my bed or my recliner. Roll on!

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