Remembering a dear friend, who taught me about leaving a legacy

My dear friend Colin Rensch had a saying: “If you think you can, then of course you can.”

I met Colin because I live with limb-girdle muscular dystrophy, and he lived with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. Colin, who defined passion, purpose, and positivity, passed away last month at the age of 32.

I’ve written in the past about grief, coping, and living alongside a rare, chronic illness. On a personal level, I understand that this disease takes something from me at every moment. The biology may be invisible to me, but the disease progression is not. As the months and years pass, my body gets weaker and weaker, and I start thinking about the elephant in the room.

Of course, I’m referring to the shortened life expectancy of those of us living with muscular dystrophy (MD). Strangely, it’s harder for me to process when someone I know passes away due to complications of MD rather than something else. And the older I get, the more I think about it.

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Thankfully, though, writing helps me process things. I write about hobbies, routines, and relationships. I write about my love of finding beauty and blessings in each day while trying my best to be present for my friends and family.

My friend Colin knew that MD would shorten his life. As a result, he and I sometimes spoke about what we wanted to leave behind when we’re gone. Always eloquent, Colin told me that, for those of us who live on when someone we love passes, we should take the best of what we remember about that person and carry it forward in our hearts as a tribute to the bond we shared. I find those words to be perfectly stated.

Colin’s advice is a poignant reminder that all of us, disabled or not, might do well to remember that death is only a physical end to our bodies. Meaningful connections and relationships with others become the foundation that outlines how our presence lives on after we pass. Our best qualities move along without us as others honor our memory by absorbing what we teach and show them, and how we make them feel.

As Colin said to me, take what you find to be the best of me and carry that with you. That is how we all can leave a legacy.

From Colin, I take his love of conversation. Each time we spoke, he had the ability to make me feel like I was the center of the discussion. I felt heard and that my thoughts and feelings mattered to him. He was a great listener and asked probing questions to understand what I was trying to say. I will think of him in times of deep conversations with others.

I will also try to emulate Colin’s positive approach to living. He and I had many conversations about life in a sitting position. We always managed to find humor in situations, such as the good parking we can find, or how other people tend to talk to the caregivers around us as if we were ghosts. He laughed off his MD a good deal of the time. I believe that sometimes he did this in order to support me, to genuinely see me, and to teach me how to make the best of a difficult situation.

As his health declined, Colin expressed his wish not to live with a ventilator or receive surgery for a tracheostomy. Part of his acceptance of life with MD was his bravery to choose how the end of his life would play out. I believe that his choices gave him power.

We exchanged text messages just hours before he passed. He told me that he “felt a bit rough” but was doing all right. He was at home and glad to hear from me. I told him to take things one hour at a time and that he was always in my thoughts.

Colin’s positive approach to life with a chronic illness will live on in me now.

Note: Muscular Dystrophy News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Muscular Dystrophy News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to muscular dystrophy.