Breaking My People-Pleasing Habits With Self-Care

[Leah Leilani]

Would you consider yourself a people pleaser?

When I was experiencing the onset of my disease, I had a paralyzing fear of being a burden. I never wanted people, especially my parents, to feel like I was too much to handle.

I still carry this fear with me but it’s not as prominent. Although, the people-pleasing part of me remains present.

The last year I have been doing small but significant things to break this bad habits-If someone asks me what I want, I tell them. If a friend or a family member has an opinion that I don’t agree with, I try to kindly voice my thoughts. If there’s a problem with something, I push myself to speak up and not settle. I am also learning to set up healthy boundaries and to put myself first.

It is freeing me to relearn how to live for myself and not cater to others all the time. These small victories feel like self-care. I’m taking care of myself for myself.

[Larry]

I am similar. It was much easier to be that way when my condition was not very prominent. The last several years though, I have struggled with being isolated or not speaking up at all because I feel like I would just be a burden. So I hide in my bedroom and live a solitary life instead of putting myself out there. Getting just a bit better now but it’s still so easy to just stay home instead.

[Leah Leilani]

Larry, I can understand how you feel. Since Covid, I feel like I’ve lost a lot of hope in humanity and the good in people. I also think people are very much lacking in the ability to socialize and maintain manners. It most definitely is easier to stay in our little controlled bubbles but I crave the outside and going on adventures too much to be a full-time homebody.

I have found that the book “The Art of Not Giving an F***” has been very helpful for me to stop focusing on other people before myself.

[Mary Ognibene]

Leah, I just ordered the book hoping it may help me. I also have difficulty excepting help getting out of the, up from a chair or off the ground if I fall. I say “no, I’ll do it myself, it’s good for me” or “I’ll let you know if I need help.” Sometimes I think it sounds rather curt and I’m not sure why I say these things.

[Leah Leilani]

I’m glad I could give you that resource Mary. I do the exact same thing. My knee-jerk reaction is to say “no” or “I can do it.” Sometimes I pause and then rethink my statement and do end up accepting the help because I do actually need it.

[Leah Leilani]

Hey Mary,

how are you doing? How has the new year been treating you?

[Danielle “Dani” Liptak]

Hey Larry, I to enjoy staying in my room cocooned under my covers but I am also extroverted. I like hanging out with friends etc. Do you go out, do you live somewhere that has bars, parks, place to hang out alone or with friends? I’ve tried to go to restaurants and movies by myself more. What do you enjoy doing outside of your home? Is transportation or money the issue as well?

[Larry]

I have a wheelchair van fitted with hand controls and a power chair. I have no real excuse for not getting out more , other than the fact it’s easier physically to stay home. Due to years of self isolation I have no friends. But I do like many things. Movies, coffee shops, parks

[Leah Leilani]

Larry, does social interaction exhaust you? I’ve noticed that I’ve become more introverted as I’ve grown older and a possible factor might be because social interaction leaves me very mentally and physically fatigued.

[Leah Leilani]

Hi Larry,

I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing?

[Author]

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