After incredible hardships, I still feel blessed

I’m between two anniversaries. Today is the 36th anniversary of the collision I had with a drunk driver that cost me my eyesight and almost cost me my life. Saturday will be my 45th wedding anniversary.

The car crash happened on the evening of June 11, 1989. I was returning home from playing music at a 50th wedding anniversary celebration. My wife, Wendy, and I had planned to leave early the next morning for our annual vacation with her sister and her family.

When I took off that Friday for a full weekend of playing music at four events, Wendy was frantically packing our van to get ready for the trip. Our children — Nicole, Jill, and Ryan, who were 5, 3, and 1 at the time — were excitedly packing their bags with stuff to entertain them during the 10-hour drive from Shanksville, Pennsylvania, to Jacksonville, North Carolina.

Since all of my gigs were in the Pittsburgh area, I slept on the couch at my mom and dad’s house for the weekend after playing at a festival in McKeesport. Mom and Dad were away for the weekend, so I had the house to myself. I played at the McKeesport festival again on Saturday afternoon, and then a wedding in Jeannette that evening.

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On Sunday morning, I took my grandma to church. We went out for lunch, and then I dropped her off at home and headed to Delmont for the anniversary party. I had no idea that Grandma was the last person in my family that I would ever see.

Our band played from 1-5 p.m. The happy couple loved the music so much they gave the band leader an extra $20 to buy a round of drinks. I never drank when I played, so I passed and headed for home.

Unfortunately, a woman who had spent her weekend drinking lost control of her car and swerved into my lane. We hit head-on while both vehicles were traveling at 55 miles per hour. Instead of arriving home in an hour or so, I got home months later, after a lot of surgery, a long hospitalization, and months of rehabilitation.

Wendy spent our ninth anniversary sitting for hours in the waiting room at UPMC Presbyterian Hospital’s trauma unit. She could see me only for short periods every few hours, but she hung in there. Somehow, I survived, and we moved on.

For the first few years after that, June 11 was a terrible day for me that brought back memories of the pain I’d suffered. I struggled with the “what ifs.” Why didn’t I stay for that drink? Was there anything I could’ve done to avoid the oncoming car? Where was God when the accident happened? Would doctors ever be able to restore my sight?

After a few years, and with lots of talks with God as well as some counseling, my perspective evolved. I recalled that my neurosurgeon, who repaired two compressed skull fractures, told Wendy before the surgery that she could start planning my funeral. I began to think of every day after the accident as a bonus day! I was there to help raise my children, play more music, work, and enjoy another year with Wendy. I now celebrate June 11 as my “Happy to Be Alive Day.”

I feel equally blessed to be celebrating 45 years with Wendy. She knew about my facioscapulohumeral muscular dystrophy (FSHD) before we got married. She knew that at some point, hopefully far down the road, I would be in a wheelchair. She married me anyway.

After a couple years of marriage, we were settled in our home in Shanksville and established in our teaching careers. Wendy thought it was time to start a family, but I had concerns. We discussed with my neurologist the odds of our children inheriting FSHD. We knew it was a possibility, but we wanted children, so we jumped into parenthood, despite the risks.

Our children came along and were happy and healthy. Life was good, until unexpectedly, it wasn’t. The accident changed our lives drastically overnight.

Wendy weathered this stormy time in our lives like the champion she is, somehow making sure our children were cared for and being there for me every step of the way. Many marriages can’t endure this kind of stress. Ours got stronger.

I’m blessed to be celebrating 45 years with a truly incredible partner. I’m also glad to celebrate my Happy to Be Alive Day every year. All of these bonus years have been a blessing. I give thanks every day to have one more day with my wife, my family, my friends, my music, and of course, you, my readers!

Note: Muscular Dystrophy News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Muscular Dystrophy News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to muscular dystrophy.