Living for Myself While Hoping for the Right Person
I have clear memories of listening to my fourth-grade friends talk about what their “boyfriends” got them for Valentine’s Day, or whispering between one another during class about who liked whom.
My hope of one day having a stereotypical teenage romance carried into high school, but dwindled as I found myself having to be home-schooled. I was always the type of girl who wanted a boyfriend, but it is only now, at the age of 23, that I realize I never needed one.
After two relationships, I am back to being single, and guess what? I’m OK with that.
I won’t deny that in the last few weeks there have been moments of self-doubt. Moments when I ask myself questions like, “Will I find ‘The One?'” and “Am I enough?”
The little red guy on my shoulder whispers that my love is less valuable because I’m unable to provide a family and a home to a future partner, and that my inability to cook a homemade meal and fully care for myself disqualifies me as a suitable girlfriend or wife. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel tempted to enter another relationship just to have someone to cuddle and say goodnight to.
Pushing aside these thoughts, instead I focus my energy on carrying on and moving forward, like a bull barreling through a fence.
Although I know the perks that come with being in a relationship, such as human touch and having someone to call your own, I have learned that there is value in being single as well. In a place where I once felt loneliness and a desire to feel wanted, I now experience peace and an eagerness to thrive on my own. There is relief in knowing that I’m living for me and only me.
Contrary to popular belief, having a significant other isn’t the most important ingredient to happiness. There is no shame in being single.
For now, I am happy with where I am in my life, and I look forward to what awaits me. Slowly, my desire to be in a relationship will return, as well as the hope that the right person is out there waiting to meet me, too. Interabled couples like Squirmy and Grubs are proof that I am enough for someone and that person will accept all of me just the way I am.
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