The benefits of my son becoming a caregiver for his brothers with DMD

One of the greatest experiences of my life is raising children and watching them grow. My husband, Jason, and I share seven children: Lexi, 25; Max, 20; Chance, 19; Rowen, 17; Charlie, 15; Mary, 12; and Callie, 4. I have witnessed many beautiful moments in my parenting journey.

In my columns, I share my family’s story with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD). While I often focus on Max, Rowen, and Charlie, who live with the condition, this week, I’d like to focus on Chance and the gift of watching him care for his brothers.

Chance transferred to a college in our hometown over the summer and is living at home. He’s a baseball player, and at the college level, it’s a year-round commitment. There’s a fall season, a spring season that starts in January, and a summer season.

However, he desperately wanted a part-time job so he could save money and have a little extra cash to spend. But his baseball practice and travel schedule made it hard to find a flexible job.

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Meanwhile, Jason and I had been looking for a new caregiver, especially at bedtime. That’s when I realized that, at 19, Chance could be a paid caregiver through our home-care agency. I thought it would work perfectly because he already lives with us, has evenings free, and knows how to care for his brothers. He agreed and was excited.

Over the last couple weeks of summer, he completed all the paperwork and training and started right as the school year began.

The best surprise

He now gets Max up Monday through Friday mornings and puts him to bed Monday through Thursday nights. He also gives him all his showers. This helps us more than you can imagine. Chance also provides two hours of respite for Rowen and Charlie each week.

Although Jason and I still provide most of the care for Rowen and Charlie, caring for two rather than three means our mornings start later and our evenings end earlier.

As much as we benefit from the help and Chance benefits from a flexible job, the best part is that my sons are growing closer.

Weekday mornings now bring a shared meal. Three days a week, I drop Charlie off at high school and Callie off at preschool before 8 a.m. I then return home to get Rowen up and out of bed so he can eat breakfast. At 9, I take Max to his college class, and at 9:30, I drop Rowen off at high school.

I know that sounds like chaos, but I love it, because when I get home to pick up Max, I find him and Chance sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast together. They didn’t do that before Chance became a caregiver because their schedules didn’t align.

Other mornings, I am often upstairs working or writing, and I can hear when Chance goes into Max’s room to get him up. Chance has this loud, playful way of saying “brother” when he helps Max, Rowen, or Charlie. It’s often accompanied by smack talk, the kind you might hear in a sports locker room. And then rowdy laughter trickles up to me.

In the evenings, I’m often downstairs while Chance provides respite care for Rowen and Charlie. I see him hold his brothers, support their weight, get them drinks or snacks, and talk sports with them.

Before becoming their caregiver, Chance was busy with classes and baseball. In the evenings, when he was home, he often spent time in his room recovering or talking on the phone with his girlfriend. Before college, Chance also worked outside the home, which kept him from spending time with his brothers.

Caregiving allows Chance to both help us and hold a job while attending college, but the best surprise is that my sons are spending time together and growing closer. This has been an ideal situation that benefits my family in many ways. I feel privileged to witness it.

Note: Muscular Dystrophy News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Muscular Dystrophy News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to muscular dystrophy.