Motherhood, my life purpose, makes caregiving easier

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last column. I’ve missed writing them. I can never explain how therapeutic it is for me to share my life as a caregiver through writing.

I have seven children: Lexi, 24, Max, 19, Chance, 18, Rowen, 16, Charlie, 14, Mary, 10, and Callie, 3. Max, Rowen, and Charlie have Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD), so to them I’m both mom and primary caregiver. I cherish both roles. That doesn’t mean they’re easy. However, I’ve always believed in the saying that Theodore Roosevelt made famous: “Nothing worth having comes easy.”

A family — my family of nine, with me, my husband, and the children we share — is what’s worth having for me.

In the past two weeks, Max moved home from college for the summer, Chance graduated from high school and played in the Nebraska state baseball tournament, and Charlie had his eighth-grade promotion and will start high school in the fall.

I knew where all my energy would go for two solid weeks: toward my family. I knew I couldn’t write quality columns and be a mom for all those significant events, so I chose to be a mom first.

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I want to focus on that in this column. I write so much about being a caregiver because it’s how I’m most closely affected by Duchenne. After all, it’s part of my life day in and day out. However, I’m a caregiver only because I’m a mother first; I’m not sure I would’ve chosen it if not for my sons. Because I love my sons, I gladly embrace caregiving.

I write about that subject often, but not about motherhood as my primary, stand-alone focus. I only know Duchenne because I’m a mom who carries Duchenne and unknowingly passed it on to three of her children. That’s made my motherhood journey more challenging and, admittedly, more exhausting, but it never took away from the essence or the joy that motherhood brings to my life.

My meaning of life

The past weekend, I attended Catholic Mass with my children on Sunday morning and Chance’s graduation ceremony that afternoon. In both instances, the meaning of life was discussed, once by the priest at Mass and once by a high school senior during his graduation speech.

Both times, I remembered how much motherhood meant to me. I know it’s what God intended for me. The homily at Mass focused on finding what God meant for you to do and doing it. For me, that’s being a mom.

The speech at graduation focused on the crucial moments in life. The young yet wise student said that the two most important moments in life are the moment you’re born and the moment you realize what you were born to do. The student giving the speech knew he was born to be a fighter. As I listened and reflected, I knew I was born to be a mother.

It’s not what I would’ve ever imagined. As a child, I was in and out of foster homes and never thought I wanted to be a mother. I was afraid I’d be a bad mom. However, the first time I held my oldest child’s warm little body in my arms, I knew I would die trying to give her everything I never had.

I cherish the role of mother. If you remember, there were six more beautiful babies after my first. Each one broadened my perspective of love and doubled the size of my heart. I never knew the depths of love until I became a mother. It’s the reason I can embrace my role as a caregiver.

Despite the challenges and exhaustion of caregiving, the depth of love from motherhood makes me feel honored and willing to do and give anything I can to give my sons a happy, fulfilled meaningful life.

Note: Muscular Dystrophy News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Muscular Dystrophy News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to muscular dystrophy.