Pride and heartbreak as my healthiest son is moving to college

August here in Nebraska is sweltering. Not only do the temperatures reach the high 90s, but the humidity is suffocating. I’ll never understand why our kids return to school at this time of year, when it’s so uncomfortable outside. But as I write these words, five of my children have started back to class in the past 10 days.

I’m a married mother of seven children: Lexi, 24, Max, 19, Chance, 18, Rowen, 16, Charlie, 14, Mary, 10, and Callie, 3. Lexi is a married adult with a job, but everyone else will be in school. Callie will start preschool after Labor Day. Mary is in the fifth grade. Charlie and Rowen are both in high school. Max and Chance are both in college.

Max, Rowen, and Charlie are all living with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD). That poses its own set of challenges when the kids go back to school, especially with Max residing on a college campus with a team of caregivers assisting him.

Rowen and Charlie have individualized education programs (IEPs) and safety evacuation plans that consider their mobility challenges. Charlie has joined the marching band while Rowen is active in choir and theater, with each activity having its own set of plans and requirements unique to their particular wheelchairs and mobility.

These aren’t their only activities, but they’re what we expect and prepare for at the beginning of the school year. This year, though, it was moving Chance to college that allowed his brothers’ Duchenne to sneak in and challenge me with a broken heart.

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The impact of five hours

The week leading up to the day we left with Chance, I sensed a storm of emotions building up, but I wouldn’t allow myself to feel them. If I did, I knew I would break. A lot was lurking beneath the surface.

First of all, he’s going to live five hours from home, which is the farthest any of my children have gone for school so far. Then there’s the fact that Chance is our only healthy son. He and his brothers were born within five years of one another, and he’s always been with them. I knew it’d be tough to watch him leave.

Even knowing all that, however, I’d underestimated what it’d be like for him to go. In the moments before we left, Chance hugged his three sisters goodbye, then went to his basement bedroom to have one last look. When he returned upstairs, it was apparent he was feeling emotional.

Chance Vertin, top, says goodbye to his brothers — from left, Max, Rowen, and Charlie — before he leaves for college. (Courtesy of Betty Vertin)

When he started to hug his brothers goodbye, he cried. I didn’t expect that. I was teary-eyed, but held it together for him. We finished our goodbyes and loaded into the cars. I rode with him while my husband, Jason, followed behind with the rest of Chance’s things.

Through stifled sobs, Chance explained how hard it was for him to leave his brothers. I rubbed his back and promised that we’d take great care of the boys while he was gone. Chance was bothered that if something happened to his brothers, he’d be so far away. In the moment, I listened to him and stayed strong. But as I recount the conversation here, tears are streaming down my face.

I can’t fix it. It’s a fear that’s warranted. Max, Rowen, or Charlie could get sick. Max is scheduled for surgery in December, which is always a risk. Charlie still walks a little, and he could fall and break a bone. And if anything were to go wrong, Chance would find being five hours away excruciating.

Since our conversation, I’ve been thinking of a way to get him home in an emergency without him having to drive that far, upset and scared. I hate that I need to come up with a plan for that.

I wish Chance lived in a world where the biggest thing he had to worry about was getting to the dining hall on time. I want to take the worry and hurt away. It’s agonizing to share the heartache that came over Chance as he left for college.

Note: Muscular Dystrophy News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Muscular Dystrophy News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to muscular dystrophy.